Being a mom is much like that of doing the tango. It is a delicate dance to get each move right, but if you don’t, it’s difficult to forget the parts in which you messed up. What’s more difficult about motherhood is the shame of other moms. When you meet other moms, there is an unspoken expectation to be put together, have your children clean and well behaved, and your home is to be spotless. But what if we as moms were not perfect even in our first impressions? What if we lived in our vulnerability and owned it as a part of our strength to not be perfect?
I have a relatively new mom friend. The first time I had a play date with our kids, I was intimidated and ashamed because her boys seemed to be near perfect. Not only that, but she was cool, calm and collected when she transitioned from the meal to play time, and when she need to juggle both boys at a time. How did she did this? I was convinced there was a secret twin somewhere or she had four extra hands to handle everything so perfectly. However, I realized she was just a real mom. She was open and vulnerable about her struggles as a mom, and, embraced it. Her strength came from the areas she wanted to grow as a mom. At first, this intimidated me even more. But instead of running the other way, I decided to try being vulnerable with her too. And you what? She is one of the best mom friends (and just plain friends) I have right now. She’s so real, and she inspires me to be real with myself and others to increase my network of mommies that are wanting the best for their children too.
I’ve been listening to Brene Brown on loop lately. If you don’t know who that is, google Brene Brown Ted talk and try not grab a tissue. She speaks truth to who we are deeply are inside, and it’s sobering. Her research concentration is vulnerability and shame. She says that “shame corrodes the very part of us that we believe is capable of change.” Mom shame and guilt comes from places within us that are based in the damaging messages that lower our self-confidence. However, those messages, are only silenced when we embrace the things we are not perfect in and open up to other moms to establish strong networks of support and encouragement? Brene Brown goes on to say, “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” For me, this resonates so strongly because when you are vulnerable with others who understand, their mom guilt melts away too. Together, fear of being a bad mom diminishes and empowerment that we are all doing the best we can to love and raise our children thrives. Out of our authenticity, we enable ourselves to rise strong.
So I’m wondering if you’re willing to try it with me. Would you be willing to share your #mommyrisingstrong moment? Share one thing you may not be strong at in motherhood. Heck, it might be what is considered a “mom fail”. But from now on, we are going to call it #mommyrisingstrong so we can embrace the areas of growth and create a bigger support network that is working on similar areas of growth in motherhood. Our of our deepest blunders, we can rise strong if we rise together. Embrace your moment!
“Vulnerability is at the center, the core, of meaningful human experiences.”